It has been a week since my son was admitted to the mental facility. He continues to take his medication willingly; he is calm, kind and appreciative. He went to his first appt. for an outpatient co-occurring program that he is mandated to participate in. He continues to sleep for long periods. I shop for nutritious food for him to eat and wash his clothes. Yesterday I called about the program in Santa Rosa..I cannot afford to do this I have decided. I called today to check on a local residential facility. The man I spoke with said he needs a referral from probation...why hasn't this happened? What does he have to do to get their attention? He keeps upping the ante with this latest crisis...I called and left a message AGAIN for probation..what will it take for him to get the help he needs?..I know..money.
There has to be an answer here, I have to keep asking questions and trying.
"If it is to be..it is up to me"
I felt better today..back at my work as a special education teacher..I will walk with my good friend @5:30 a.m. tomorrow. Our walks are such good therapy.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Evening
My son has slept all day. He ate some chicken soup I made and took his medication. He is calm and quiet. I wrote to the director of his outpatient co-occurrng program regarding a residential program in Santa Rosa. I do not believe there is funding in our county to pay for his treatment. Is it the right thing for me to consider paying for this treatment if the probation dept. agrees to it and if they tell me there is no money available to pay for it? I do not have much money, but enough to pay for 60 days. I have spent so much already..over $150k in treatments over the years and here we are...but it means his life. It could be waste money if he is not ready to admit he has a problem, and is receptive to help. How far down is "rock bottom"? Death?
No answer
My son is back home. The mental hospital released him yesterday, and drove him to my house.
Let me go back a little. He is 26. I have spent the past 26 years dealing with a very challenging, yet endearing son.
He is handsome. He was born with natural athletic abilities..played soccer,baseball,basketball..loved skateboarding.
He had rages beginning in his toddler years that continued past the expected "terrible twos"..rages where I had to physically place him in his room, and hold the door shut while he screamed, and threw objects. It cycled for an hour to an hour and a half, ending with his little fingers coming under the door, his sobbing, and crying for me...I went to Drs., seeking some help..I was told he would grow out of it..I needed to establish firm boundaries. I took him to therapists for counseling.
The behaviors continued through childhood, and into his early adolescence. His father had minimal contact with him..we thought we were dealing with emotional issues regarding his relationship with his dad. That is part of the picture.
When he was 13 he went to live with his father in Reno, Nevada. At 14, I received a call from the Tahoe Sheriff's dept. telling me he was in custody, with a very high alcohol level. He had left school that day, and rode with "friends" to S. Tahoe. In the week prior, I had conversed with school personnel regarding his declining grades and attendance.
With his father's permission, I arranged to have two escorts pick him up at his father's home and put him on a plane to take him to a wilderness therpeutic program in Montana. He went into the Bob Marshall Wilderness for three weeks with a therapist..learned survival skills, and his father and I met him when he emerged from his last day in. The therapist expressed concern for him, indicating he learned of my son's extensive drug and alcohol use while talking with him over the three weeks. With money I received from my mother's estate, I arranged to enroll my son into a therpeutic school in Montana. During his assessments with the psychiatrist and psychologist, he was diagnosed as "bi-polar" While he was there, he experienced a spinal fracture from a snowboarding accident. After a year of attendance, he managed to escape with a friend, hitchhiked to the train station, and hopped on a freight train to Seattle. From there, he got on a bus and made it to Sacramento. I had been in touch with authorities in every town the bus stopped to look for him, but was unsuccessful. He made it to his sister's residence in Tahoe, where I drove 6 hours to pick him up. He came reluctantly, with the sheriff present. We boarded the plane and returned to Montana.
After many other flight attempts from the program, I made a change for him. He was moved to Spokane, Washington, to a highly supervised program which also allowed him to attend a public school. He performed well, and played soccer for the school there. I was able to visit him on a couple of occasions. They released him to me at the end of his junior year, and he came home to attend his senior year. He graduated, and chose to go to a junior college in Santa Cruz, CA. He had a job, and an apartment. While attending school there, he was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. I got a call from the ER after he admitted himself in severe pain. They gave him medication that had negative effects, so discontinued taking it. His spiral downward coninued over the next few years with his use of methamphetamine, and alcohol(and who knows what other drugs). He was admitted into a 30 day recovery program and maintained sobriety for several months before lapsing back into drug use. During this period, he began experiencing severe pain in his abdomen again, and finally went to the GI specialist. They tried to perform a colonoscopy, but were only able to go in a short distance due to a blockage. He had emergency surgery, and had a 12" portion of his colon removed. The surgeon told me when he went in, he found that his appendix had ruptured, but somehow his diseased colon had encapsulated it and prevented the toxicity from spreading. He said he'd never seen anything like it. His recovery from surgery brought him to my small 900 sq. ft. home. He developed a serious staph infection in the incision, and had emergency treatment for that. While he was with me, he demonstrated rages, and mental instability, and finally left my home. I got a call a few days later from a campground about 30 min. south of my home. His conversation was delusional, with paranoia and "voices" talking to him. I begged him to drive up to the mental hospital, which he finally did. They admitted him and kept him for 5 days. Upon his release, he lived in a tent, or his car, tried odd jobs unsuccessfully. This scenario has continued in some form or other over the past few years and has included being beaten up, having his car stolen, picked up by a sheriff in a town 45 miles south of here because he was sitting naked and delusional in a park..taken to a hospital for dehydration and released, bringing strange dogs to my yard, being arrested three different times on drug charges, and spending up to three months in jail. While in custody, he received lithium which amazingly stabilized him. He does not take responsibility to take his medication once out of jail..and continues using meth. He is enrolled in a mandatory "co-occurring"program for individuals with mental health and substance abuse issues. He has his first day with them on Tues. of this week.
Over the past month, I have witnessed increasing erratic behaviors, tried to seek help for medication...he jumped off of a three story hotel balcony two weeks ago and shattered his left ankle. Two days after this happened I came home from work and found: my dog in the street running loose(a boxer), a strange man and his dog coming out of my house, my son in my house ravaging through cupboards and drawers taking cooking ware, food, paint, etc. etc. I tried to stay calm, and told him he couldn't take my belongings. I called the police after he left and reported his instability while driving...and the next time I heard about him was the next(a week ago Thursday) night in a call from the ER saying they had my son, and his ankle was severely broken. They asked me to pick him up..I told them I couldn't do that and asked if they could send him to the mental hospital or jail..and the Dr. refused saying he needed "home" care..that those facilities couldn't meet his needs. I told the Dr. the only way I would get him, is if he received his Lithium prior to my taking him home. He needed to see the Orthopedic Surgeon by the beginning of the week to discuss surgery. I finally got him in on Tues. morning @10:15. Over the weekend, he was in severe pain, and was becoming extremely paranoid, delusional, and hearing "messages" from the radio and TV. By Tuesday morning, he was talking to himself, demonstrating agitation, and confusion. I knew I had to get him to the Dr., but didn't feel confident to handle him on my own. I was able to contact the mental health liasion who agreed to meet me at the Dr.'s office. By this time there were several verbal outbursts, and loud ramblings coming from him. We were able to get him directly into an examining room where we waited for an hour to see the Dr. The Dr. reviewed his x-rays and said the surgery was very delicate..and with his mental state he couldn't do surgery. He said he would need to be very diligent with his aftercare, and if not, it would be very bad for him. SO they put a "boot" on him, and we got in the car. Before leaving the office, his behavior was escalating, and I knew after getting in the car that I couldn't control him. I drove to the mental health hospital about 2 miles down the road and told him I need to go in to check on medication . When I went in, I expressed an urgent need for help. They reluctantly agreed to have someone go out to the parking lot to assess him. I called the mental health liasion and she came back to help as well. After bolting from my car on his broken ankle, beating on my car(I locked it)he finally agreed to be admitted, if I would go with him. I did. He was there Tues., Wed., Thurs. During this time, I was on the phone with many different people to find out about a plan for him when he was released. I found I was going in circles. I was told..and I agree he needs to assume responsibility for his life. Plus housing is very limited, and even fewer options with the budget cuts here in CA. But doesn't he need a structure first, with the goal of more independence as he acquires and maintains stability? He has serious medical needs with this Crohn's disease, his broken ankle and his mental health. I told everyone I spoke with that he couldn't come back to my home. That I couldn't do it anymore. I am tired, it is consuming my life, and it is affecting my physical health. My last call was yesterday @ 4:10. While I waited for a return call regarding housing possibilities, he knocked on my door. A mental health worker gave him a ride to my home. He had a written discharge plan, prescriptions for his medications. He is now taking Zypexa(for psychosis) as well as Lithium. As I write this he sleeps with his foot elevated, on my couch, covered with a blanket. And I don't know what to do.
Let me go back a little. He is 26. I have spent the past 26 years dealing with a very challenging, yet endearing son.
He is handsome. He was born with natural athletic abilities..played soccer,baseball,basketball..loved skateboarding.
He had rages beginning in his toddler years that continued past the expected "terrible twos"..rages where I had to physically place him in his room, and hold the door shut while he screamed, and threw objects. It cycled for an hour to an hour and a half, ending with his little fingers coming under the door, his sobbing, and crying for me...I went to Drs., seeking some help..I was told he would grow out of it..I needed to establish firm boundaries. I took him to therapists for counseling.
The behaviors continued through childhood, and into his early adolescence. His father had minimal contact with him..we thought we were dealing with emotional issues regarding his relationship with his dad. That is part of the picture.
When he was 13 he went to live with his father in Reno, Nevada. At 14, I received a call from the Tahoe Sheriff's dept. telling me he was in custody, with a very high alcohol level. He had left school that day, and rode with "friends" to S. Tahoe. In the week prior, I had conversed with school personnel regarding his declining grades and attendance.
With his father's permission, I arranged to have two escorts pick him up at his father's home and put him on a plane to take him to a wilderness therpeutic program in Montana. He went into the Bob Marshall Wilderness for three weeks with a therapist..learned survival skills, and his father and I met him when he emerged from his last day in. The therapist expressed concern for him, indicating he learned of my son's extensive drug and alcohol use while talking with him over the three weeks. With money I received from my mother's estate, I arranged to enroll my son into a therpeutic school in Montana. During his assessments with the psychiatrist and psychologist, he was diagnosed as "bi-polar" While he was there, he experienced a spinal fracture from a snowboarding accident. After a year of attendance, he managed to escape with a friend, hitchhiked to the train station, and hopped on a freight train to Seattle. From there, he got on a bus and made it to Sacramento. I had been in touch with authorities in every town the bus stopped to look for him, but was unsuccessful. He made it to his sister's residence in Tahoe, where I drove 6 hours to pick him up. He came reluctantly, with the sheriff present. We boarded the plane and returned to Montana.
After many other flight attempts from the program, I made a change for him. He was moved to Spokane, Washington, to a highly supervised program which also allowed him to attend a public school. He performed well, and played soccer for the school there. I was able to visit him on a couple of occasions. They released him to me at the end of his junior year, and he came home to attend his senior year. He graduated, and chose to go to a junior college in Santa Cruz, CA. He had a job, and an apartment. While attending school there, he was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. I got a call from the ER after he admitted himself in severe pain. They gave him medication that had negative effects, so discontinued taking it. His spiral downward coninued over the next few years with his use of methamphetamine, and alcohol(and who knows what other drugs). He was admitted into a 30 day recovery program and maintained sobriety for several months before lapsing back into drug use. During this period, he began experiencing severe pain in his abdomen again, and finally went to the GI specialist. They tried to perform a colonoscopy, but were only able to go in a short distance due to a blockage. He had emergency surgery, and had a 12" portion of his colon removed. The surgeon told me when he went in, he found that his appendix had ruptured, but somehow his diseased colon had encapsulated it and prevented the toxicity from spreading. He said he'd never seen anything like it. His recovery from surgery brought him to my small 900 sq. ft. home. He developed a serious staph infection in the incision, and had emergency treatment for that. While he was with me, he demonstrated rages, and mental instability, and finally left my home. I got a call a few days later from a campground about 30 min. south of my home. His conversation was delusional, with paranoia and "voices" talking to him. I begged him to drive up to the mental hospital, which he finally did. They admitted him and kept him for 5 days. Upon his release, he lived in a tent, or his car, tried odd jobs unsuccessfully. This scenario has continued in some form or other over the past few years and has included being beaten up, having his car stolen, picked up by a sheriff in a town 45 miles south of here because he was sitting naked and delusional in a park..taken to a hospital for dehydration and released, bringing strange dogs to my yard, being arrested three different times on drug charges, and spending up to three months in jail. While in custody, he received lithium which amazingly stabilized him. He does not take responsibility to take his medication once out of jail..and continues using meth. He is enrolled in a mandatory "co-occurring"program for individuals with mental health and substance abuse issues. He has his first day with them on Tues. of this week.
Over the past month, I have witnessed increasing erratic behaviors, tried to seek help for medication...he jumped off of a three story hotel balcony two weeks ago and shattered his left ankle. Two days after this happened I came home from work and found: my dog in the street running loose(a boxer), a strange man and his dog coming out of my house, my son in my house ravaging through cupboards and drawers taking cooking ware, food, paint, etc. etc. I tried to stay calm, and told him he couldn't take my belongings. I called the police after he left and reported his instability while driving...and the next time I heard about him was the next(a week ago Thursday) night in a call from the ER saying they had my son, and his ankle was severely broken. They asked me to pick him up..I told them I couldn't do that and asked if they could send him to the mental hospital or jail..and the Dr. refused saying he needed "home" care..that those facilities couldn't meet his needs. I told the Dr. the only way I would get him, is if he received his Lithium prior to my taking him home. He needed to see the Orthopedic Surgeon by the beginning of the week to discuss surgery. I finally got him in on Tues. morning @10:15. Over the weekend, he was in severe pain, and was becoming extremely paranoid, delusional, and hearing "messages" from the radio and TV. By Tuesday morning, he was talking to himself, demonstrating agitation, and confusion. I knew I had to get him to the Dr., but didn't feel confident to handle him on my own. I was able to contact the mental health liasion who agreed to meet me at the Dr.'s office. By this time there were several verbal outbursts, and loud ramblings coming from him. We were able to get him directly into an examining room where we waited for an hour to see the Dr. The Dr. reviewed his x-rays and said the surgery was very delicate..and with his mental state he couldn't do surgery. He said he would need to be very diligent with his aftercare, and if not, it would be very bad for him. SO they put a "boot" on him, and we got in the car. Before leaving the office, his behavior was escalating, and I knew after getting in the car that I couldn't control him. I drove to the mental health hospital about 2 miles down the road and told him I need to go in to check on medication . When I went in, I expressed an urgent need for help. They reluctantly agreed to have someone go out to the parking lot to assess him. I called the mental health liasion and she came back to help as well. After bolting from my car on his broken ankle, beating on my car(I locked it)he finally agreed to be admitted, if I would go with him. I did. He was there Tues., Wed., Thurs. During this time, I was on the phone with many different people to find out about a plan for him when he was released. I found I was going in circles. I was told..and I agree he needs to assume responsibility for his life. Plus housing is very limited, and even fewer options with the budget cuts here in CA. But doesn't he need a structure first, with the goal of more independence as he acquires and maintains stability? He has serious medical needs with this Crohn's disease, his broken ankle and his mental health. I told everyone I spoke with that he couldn't come back to my home. That I couldn't do it anymore. I am tired, it is consuming my life, and it is affecting my physical health. My last call was yesterday @ 4:10. While I waited for a return call regarding housing possibilities, he knocked on my door. A mental health worker gave him a ride to my home. He had a written discharge plan, prescriptions for his medications. He is now taking Zypexa(for psychosis) as well as Lithium. As I write this he sleeps with his foot elevated, on my couch, covered with a blanket. And I don't know what to do.
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